The Delta House

While sitting in traffic this morning, I observed an elderly woman driving a Toyota Prius, wearing some fabulous D&G shades, sipping her Starbucks mocha chino and gabbing away on her bluetooth headset. It was very surreal. My guess is that she was probably explaining to her grandchildren exactly why they would be getting a very small inheritance.

I currently have 16 tickets, parking passes and access to a luxury suite at Gillette Stadium on September 2nd to see Jimmy Buffett. Someday I will be explaining to Jake why he will be getting a very small inheritance. Anyway, wanna go?

My parents wanted to come up this weekend for a visit, but I gave them the Heisman. My house is still under re-construction and everything is a mess, and we won't have a stove, microwave or dishwasher until Labor Day weekend. This would make my mother crazy, who would then drive my wife completely nuts. And because shit rolls down hill, guess who would get clobbered by both of them? You got it.

My wife and I were in the doctor's office a couple of weeks ago and some dude starting hitting on her. Right in front of me and my son, as if I was her gay brother or something. He wasn't even there to see the doctor. He was looking for a pair of lost sunglasses. After a few minutes of his charming banter with her, I reminded him what happened the last time that a stranger, a blond beauty, some lost sunglasses and a jealous former football-playing husband were all in the same room. That is about the time that he "remembered" that his sunglasses might be somewhere else and kindly excused himself.

Gwen Stefani's song Sweet Escape is stuck in my head. Not the whole song, just the Who-hoo, whee-hoo part. The only thing worse would be Barney's theme.

I need to do some cooking this weekend. Every meal that I have consumed in the last three weeks has come from a diner, fast food joint, or off the electric griddle. I need some home-made fajitas or a grilled pizza or something. Oh yes, it will happen.

I've got my 20th HS reunion coming up and I really can't wait. It is going to be awesome to see how many of the high school hotties have turned into fat, bitter, skanky ex-wives with three kids and a deadbeat daddy. I personally have nothing to worry about because I have always been the fat kid and have absolutely no expectations to live up to. But there are more than a few girls that blew me off in high school who I can't wait to see.