Friday, August 17, 2007


While sitting in traffic this morning, I observed an elderly woman driving a Toyota Prius, wearing some fabulous D&G shades, sipping her Starbucks mocha chino and gabbing away on her bluetooth headset. It was very surreal. My guess is that she was probably explaining to her grandchildren exactly why they would be getting a very small inheritance.

I currently have 16 tickets, parking passes and access to a luxury suite at Gillette Stadium on September 2nd to see Jimmy Buffett. Someday I will be explaining to Jake why he will be getting a very small inheritance. Anyway, wanna go?

My parents wanted to come up this weekend for a visit, but I gave them the Heisman. My house is still under re-construction and everything is a mess, and we won't have a stove, microwave or dishwasher until Labor Day weekend. This would make my mother crazy, who would then drive my wife completely nuts. And because shit rolls down hill, guess who would get clobbered by both of them? You got it.

My wife and I were in the doctor's office a couple of weeks ago and some dude starting hitting on her. Right in front of me and my son, as if I was her gay brother or something. He wasn't even there to see the doctor. He was looking for a pair of lost sunglasses. After a few minutes of his charming banter with her, I reminded him what happened the last time that a stranger, a blond beauty, some lost sunglasses and a jealous former football-playing husband were all in the same room. That is about the time that he "remembered" that his sunglasses might be somewhere else and kindly excused himself.

Gwen Stefani's song Sweet Escape is stuck in my head. Not the whole song, just the Who-hoo, whee-hoo part. The only thing worse would be Barney's theme.

I need to do some cooking this weekend. Every meal that I have consumed in the last three weeks has come from a diner, fast food joint, or off the electric griddle. I need some home-made fajitas or a grilled pizza or something. Oh yes, it will happen.

I've got my 20th HS reunion coming up and I really can't wait. It is going to be awesome to see how many of the high school hotties have turned into fat, bitter, skanky ex-wives with three kids and a deadbeat daddy. I personally have nothing to worry about because I have always been the fat kid and have absolutely no expectations to live up to. But there are more than a few girls that blew me off in high school who I can't wait to see.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Holy Cow!

Phil Rizzuto has died at the age of 89. Even a Yankee hater like me is a little saddened by this news.

For those of you unfamiliar with "The Scooter", he played shortstop for Yankees for 15 years, winning the MVP award in 1950. After he retired, he broadcast Yankee games on the radio and TV for forty years. He is also a member of baseball's Hall of Fame.

For those of you unfamiliar with baseball, he was the play-by-play announcer in Meatloaf's Paradise by the Dashboard Light, known for his catch saying, HOLY COW!

I watched a lot of baseball while I was growing up, including quite a few Yankees games. The best thing about the Scooter in the broadcast booth was that at times, he would completely forget that there was a game taking place. He would focus on where he and his broadcast partner Bill White were going to eat dinner that night or say happy birthday to Maria Columbo out in Astoria who was turning 93. Truthfully, you never knew what might come out of his mouth.

We'll miss you, Scooter.

Monday, August 06, 2007

It's About Damn Time...

for me to post something on this waste of bandwidth, so here we go.

Since the Sox were on the left coast this weekend, I was listening to the Yankees game on the radio Saturday and got an unexpected delight. No, it wasn't that I heard A-Rod hit his 500th career home run. It was that I heard the voice of the Yankees, John Sterling, blow the call.

For those of you lucky bastards that have never heard a Yankees game broadcast over the radio, let me bring you up to speed. Sterling has a very distinct and very annoying "home run call". When the ball is hit, he says that ball is high, it is far, it is GONE! Well, for A-Rod's historic home run, he paused because he wasn't sure that it was a fair ball. After about three seconds of dead air, he said It's gone, then went into what seemed like a script about Rodriguez becoming the youngest player ever to hit 500 home runs. Of course he had to finish it off with his signature an A-Bomb, from A-Rod.

Two batter later, Sterling was at it again. Melky Cabrera hit a long ball to left and Sterling's call went like this; It is high, it is far, it's.... off the wall! It was an absolute joy for a Sox fan like me to hear him blow it twice in a game. Let's face it folks, you can plan out history.

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