The Delta House

I spent exactly one day in Kindergarten before moving on to first grade. You see, I was a big kid. I mean REALLY big. And, not to sound too conceited, I was a little further along intellectually than the other kids. Sister Angela picked up on both things immediately and called my parents into school that night. The next day, I was in first grade.

Everything bad that happens to me happens on the left side of my body. Since I was a kid, I have broken my foot, cut off two fingers, cracked three ribs, gashed open my palm, shattered my knee cap, had a blood clot in my leg, detached my retina, had a cataract, and separated my shoulder. All of these injuries have been on my left side. As for my right side, I haven’t even had a hang nail.

I absolutely can not stand anything touching my nose. It drives my completely insane. It is my kryptonite. My wife knows this, and when she is pissed at me, she will hold her hand over my nose until I cry like a little bitch.

I can fall asleep faster than anyone you have ever met. People who have witnessed this would swear that I have narcolepsy. I have recently been diagnosed with mild sleep apnea and had surgery to have my tonsils and huge adenoids removed, so this might be removed from my list soon.

I bite my fingers like a rabid hamster. Not my fingernails so much, but the tips of my fingers next to the nails. I bite my nails too, but lots of people do that.

I still have my wisdom teeth, as does every member of my family. The have never grown in and become painful like in most people. I tend to think that makes us superior in some way. Or maybe we all just have big mouths.