The Delta House

As you know, Mrs. Flounder and I are expecting our first child in March. In preparation for the blessed event, I am converting a non-used room in our house into his nursery. Now I'm no Bob Villa, but I can handle and hammer and drill as well as any other guy that I know.

Anyway, this room has become the freaking Money Pit. I replaced the 40+ year-old windows which was surprisingly easy, and found that the room had no insulation so I had to take the room down to the studs and start from scratch.

Demolition is always easy, but putting this thing back together has been a small nightmare. Hanging drywall is absolutely the most frustrating thing that I have ever done in my life. In fact, here are some things that I would rather do than hang drywall...

• Eat lint
• Set myself on fire
• Die
• Get in the ring with Mike Tyson
• Drop a bowling ball on my tongue
• Have sex with Camryn Manheim, twice
• Walk barefoot on broken glass and rock salt
• Own and drive a MINI Cooper
• Get a prostate exam from this guy ---------->
• Watch "Brokeback Mountain"
• Do my taxes without a computer
• Go to a WNBA game
• Get a tattoo on my scrotum
• Wear a Yankees jersey to Fenway Park (Yankees Suck!!)
• Swim in the Hudson River
• Sit next to a screaming baby in "coach" on a non-stop flight from NY to Beijing with no booze or drugs
• Cut off my right foot with a butter knife
• Wear a suit to work every day
• Have dinner and a scintillating conversation with a Jehova's Witness
• Vote for a Democrat

Thank God that I am paying someone to do the taping, mudding and sanding!