The Delta House

I've once heard registering for a baby shower described as looting for white people, which is exactly what it is. The couple goes into a store like Babies-R-Us and picks out all their wants and needs, puts them on a list, and expects someone else to pick up the tab.

Note that I said wants. As in desires and dreams. It is a wish list, but still a valuable guide for shoppers. If someone else doesn't buy that $200 car seat for us, chances are that we will buy one on our own, probably even one that is less expensive. But that is our decision, right?

I've never told anyone this, but Mrs. Flounder has some 'neck DNA running through her veins. I think that it is very latent, but it is there nonetheless. Her family in South Carolina took a look at our registry and has had some very interesting comments for me. That's right, for me. See, this is a surprise shower thrown by my wife's best friend, and I have been tasked to coordinate the out-of-towners. I like to think of myself as the hillbilly liaison, or the Ambassador to Neckville.

First comment from the Susan Powter-haircut-having, toothless Carol, the stepmom: "Your cribset is ugly. Why don't you get a cute one?" My reply: "We're planning on having a really adorable baby, so we thought that an ugly cribset would kinda neutralize all that cuteness."

Second comment from Amway-hawking, chain-smoking, multi-tattooed Aunt Eleanor (This comment has been cut and paste from her actual e-mail. These are her words and grammar, and she is an elementary school teacher in SC): I been on the Toysrus and I'm not sure she would like that car seat,also it is too overpriced. It would be $205, for this. I got my granddaughter one at the Walmart for $80 and it is very sturdy. My reply: "Whatever you want to get would be greatly appreciated by both of us." I really hope that she puts a receipt with it!

Final comment from the slack-jawed, Mary Kay-hawking, skoal-dipping cousin Crystal: "The high chair that we want to get for you guys has Pooh on it, but when the baby is sitting in it, I'm sure you would not see it." Now Mrs. Flounder and I specifically put on the registry, "Please, no Winnie the Pooh" not because we don't like Pooh, but because he doesn't go with our theme. We are decorating the nursery with Vintage cowboy stuff, and Pooh just doesn't fit in.

For this one, I have no reply. That is where you come in. What would you do in this situation? I really need your help, so try to be at least somewhat serious, ok....

// posted by flounder @ 6:10 AM